Monica: Welcome to the real world. It sucks. You're gonna love it.

Monica: OK, everybody relax, this is not even a date, it's just two people going out to dinner and... not having sex.
Chandler: Sounds like a date to me.

Rachel: My parents happened. All they had to do was sit in the same stadium, smile proudly and not talk about the divorce. But, no, they got into a huge fight in the middle of the commencement address. Bishop TuTu actually had to stop and shush them.

Ross: (depressingly) Hi.
Joey: This guy says hello I wanna kill myself.

Ross: Are we hitting faces? Because I have to work on Monday. I have a big presentation.

Ross: You don't believe in evolution?
Phoebe: I don't know, it's... you know, monkeys, Darwin, you know, it's a nice story - I just think it's a little too easy.

Ross: So, does it do anything, you know, special?
Chandler: Why yes Ross, pressing my third nipple opens the delivery entrance to magical land of Narnia.

Joey: Ross, have you ever been beaten up before, besides by any one other than Monica?

Joey: Maybe he, drives his car on the other side of the road, if you know what I mean.
Phoebe: No, he's not British.

Monica: This is so hard. I can't decided between lamb or duck.
Chandler: Well, of course lambs are scarier otherwise the movie would have been called 'Silence of the Ducks'.

Joey: This is amazing. I finally get a part on TV and the monkey's making movies.

Ross: I can't believe this! Homo haglius hasn't even learned to use tools yet, and they've got him here with clay pots? Why don't they just give him a microwave?

Joey: (to Ross) Well, if you can't talk dirty to me, how are you going to talk dirty to her? Now tell me that you want to caress my butt.

Ross: Since you saw her boobies, I think you're going to have to show her your pee-pee.
Chandler: You know, I don't see that happening.
Rachel: Come on, he's right. Tit for tat.
Chandler: Well, I am not showing you my tat.

Ross: Why - why - why would you dream that?
Chandler: More importantly, was I any good?
Rachel: You were pretty damn 'any good'.
Chandler: Interesting. 'Cause in my dreams I'm surprisingly inadequate.

Ross: I can't believe you two had sex in her dream.
Chandler: I'm sorry man. It was a one time thing. I was very drunk, it was somebody else's sub-conscious.

Rachel: So basically, you get your ya-yas by taking money from your friends.
Ross: Yeah.
Chandler: I get my ya-yas from Ikea. You have to put them together yourself, but they cost a little less.

Monica: Okay, sperm donor number 03815, come on down! Okay, he's 6'2", 170 pounds, and he describes himself as a male Geena Davis.
Chandler: You mean there's more than one of us?

Joey: Well, I've never been through the tunnel myself, 'cause as I understand it, you're not allowed to go through with more than one girl in the car, right. But, it seems to me it's pretty much like anything else, you know, face your fear. It have a fear of heights, you go to the top of the building! If you're afraid of bugs.....get a bug. Right. In this case, you have a fear of commitment, so I say you go in there and be the most committed guy there ever was.
Rachel: Amazingly, that makes sense.
Chandler: You think?
Joey: Oh, yeah. Go for it man, jump off the high dive, stare down the barrel of the gun, pee into the wind!
Chandler: Yeah, Joe, I assure you if I'm staring down the barrel of a gun, I'm pretty much peeing every which way.

Chandler: So I'm not, not gonna lose her?
Rachel: Oooh, honey, you're not a total loser.
Chandler: I said, 'So I'm not gonna lose her?'
Rachel: Oh.

Monica: Oh wait, you know what, I got it, I got it, pretend like you just woke up, okay, that will throw her off. Be sleepy.
Rachel: Yes, and grumpy.
Chandler: What are you, stop naming dwarves!

Monica: So, Chandler, who’s on your list?
Chandler: Ah, Kim Basinger, Cindy Crawford, Halle Berry, Yasmine Bleeth, and ah, Jessica Rabbit.
Rachel: Now, you do realise that she’s a cartoon, and way out of your league.

Monica: What you guys don't understand is, for us, kissing is as important as any part of it.
Joey: Right!.... Serious?
Rachel: Oh yeah, everything you need to know is in that first kiss.
Monica: Absolutely.
Chandler: I think for us kissing is pretty much like an opening act, you know, it's like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through before... Pink Floyd comes out.
Ross: And it's not that we don't like the comedian, it's just that's... that's not... why we bought the ticket.
Chandler: You see, the problem is though, after the concert's over, no matter how great the show was you girls are always... looking for the comedian again, you know we're in the car, we're fighting traffic, basically... just trying to stay awake.
Rachel: Yeah, well, word of advice - bring back the comedian, otherwise next time you're going to find yourself sitting at home listening to that album alone.
Joey: Are we still talking about sex?

Joey: You don't kiss your friend's mom. Sisters are OK, maybe a hot-looking aunt, but not a mom, never a mom.

Joey: Why do you have to break up with her? Be a man. Just stop calling.

Ross: Hey, hey, you're my baby. And I can't wait to meet you. When you get out I'll buy you a bagel. And then we'll go to the zoo. Hey, hey, I'm your daddy. I'm the one without any breasts.

Ross: Disneyland 1989. "It's a Small World After All". The ride broke down. So Carol and I went behind a couple of mechanical Dutch children. Then they fixed the ride, and we were asked never to return to the Magic Kingdom.

Ross: You know what the scariest part is? What is... what if there's only one woman for everybody? Ya know, what if you only get one woman and that's it? Unfortunately, in my case, there was only one woman for her.